my eyes are sore.
i'm gonna be 20 in two days.
my body is tired.
my mind is blank.
i lost you.
my birthday will suck. no matter how many times i go out. no matter who i fuck. your silence. no happy birthday as usual.
i miss you.

laying on your back became your only escape, by jonny craig. indeed.
you're out of my head. two hours. maybe three. i'm normal.
then i go back to my little shell
and wish you'd never left.
and
stayed here.
twelve years. it's an awfully long time.
i can get married in twelve years.
i can have kids.
i can have a job.
i can die.
without a word from you.
without knowing you're alright.
you're alive.
you're not mine.